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Monday, March 4, 2013

Stuck on a Loop

What is it about the way I was raised that I continually find myself in the same exact patterns year after year whether it is with my marriage, any relationship, my career, or a number of any other variations of where I am in my life?

I failed my real estate license exam.  I have never failed anything in my life.  But I’m a mom now.  I don’t get to get a good night of sleep to prepare for something I have stopped studying for if it isn’t in the cards.  Instead, when my beautiful baby girl (she truly is amazing, what I live for these days) decides that she’ll wake up 5 times in one night and then only sleep once I have to get up to shower for said exam…  Well, I just have to suck it up and deal, don’t I?

The stupid thing about it is that I have no excuse for this failure.  I had four hours to complete the exam and I did it in two.  Out of 145 questions I marked 28 for review.  That in itself is a passing grade.  Until you take into account the fact that not all of the questions are graded equally.  100 on a national level, which I passed of course, 40 on the state (where I failed) and 5 that aren’t graded at all.  So after being confident with about 10 of the 28 I had marked and at least coming up with answers (a 25% chance to get them right) on the other 18, I submitted the test with the “hey, I got a 90” mentality and anxiously awaited getting the hell out of that stuffy, over heated H&R Block testing center…  To fail the state exam by 3 questions.

Had I spent an extra 20 minutes going “okay, now which ones have to do with license law?” and actually making an effort…  I wouldn’t be waiting another 10 days and paying another $100 to take a test I should have completed successfully the first time.  But I didn’t.  Because I was tired.  The end.

But this is the rut I seem to be stuck in again.

Going to make an effort to start writing more diligently again.

Sincerely,

~Nikki

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