As Dan is out at the grocery store (it's 11pm) to get me something to help deal with my most recent physical ailment - I continue to read story after story of horrible relationship on Facebook. As a part of so many mommy groups, it is all too common to read the "latest update" as to what someone's "shit husband" has done as of late (and I've totally been the one ranting). It occurs to me that somehow being in a relationship with someone who speaks my love language and gives me the things that I need to feel love in a relationship has somehow made me a cynic.
Anyone in older generations will simply tell you that it is what it is and it's because of our generation's "instant gratification" notion that so many marriages fail in our society. But really, I'm wondering that it isn't so much more? I have so many single friends in their early 30s brig pressured by their parents to "settle down" and "have kids". But honestly? I half envy those friends who have taken the time to get to know who they are and what they deserve before "settling" with anything less.
I need so much to feel loved. I need to hear it and be shown it pretty much constantly. I had always thought that it was impossible to get that, but apparently it is all about love languages. Figuring out which ones you require and which ones you speak... Finding someone who fits in those with common interests and building from there. Aside from all of that I honestly have never had such an amazing friendship with anyone I have ever been intimately involved with until now... Game changer!
Someone who isn't used to opening up about his feelings yet has no issues sharing them with me. Who will talk out the smallest insecurity weighing on either of our minds until it's a non-issue because its what we need to do to keep this "tell each other everything" bond going.
For those of you who know what we've been going through lately, you know that it's been pure hell. Something most couples never dream they ever have to go through, and I pray that none of you ever do... I'm just so thankful that I have the right person by my side to get through it. Because I have to tell you, he has gone above and beyond anything I could have ever imagined. All while dealing with his own form of grief. If I had any doubts of his devotion to me before... They are so far gone.
So my point I guess is don't settle. Do what makes you happy and do it now. Don't drag it out unless you're both 100% committed to fixing it and making it work. And I promise you, that will require at least one of you to change if it's not currently working. If I had known 10 years ago what I have learned in less than a year about love... It is about compromise, and doing things for the other person when you don't feel like it, and communication... But it starts with a strong base of friendship and that the other person is even capable of giving you what you need. Without it you'll just spend years going around in circles wondering what you could do differently.
And to that effect - if you are the one who needs to change, commit to it. It takes what? 40 days of doing something continuously to make it a habit?! So if your spouse/significant other asks you to do something important to them, you do it. And however you remember to complete a task - you do it every day until it becomes a habit. And you continue to do it because that's what is important to them.
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