I’ve been told quite a bit lately that people are “sorry” they “didn’t call” or “haven’t been in touch” because they “didn’t know what to say”. Let me just take a minute to tell you that it isn’t at all about what you have to say. It’s about being there for a friend when they’re going through a crisis or trauma. It’s about asking them how they’re doing and genuinely listening. More importantly? It’s about making that person laugh. It’s about helping that person get back to living.
That’s right, you don’t need to “say” anything. Because honestly? There are no right words. Most of the time I didn’t, and still don’t want to talk about it at all. There is no magic sentence or paragraph that is going to take the pain away. What I want more than anything is for you to be my friend. I want you to be around the way that you’ve always been and I want you to stop treating me like I have an infectious disease.
Grief is a crazy monster that hits everyone in different ways. But that doesn’t mean that the person close to you has changed so drastically that you no longer know who they are. There are going to be changes, and some of them are going to be significant. There are going to be triggers that make that person sad about what they’re going through… But the important thing for that person to know is that life is going on. I am so much happier when I’m living my life with the two best things that could have ever happened to me than when I’m left to my own devices with my own thoughts while Dan is at work and Magdalene is napping.
It saddens me how many people I have honestly counted out of my close friends lately because they just haven’t been there. Going through something like this teaches you who that close circle in your life really is. So just be there. When you’re thinking about someone going through something tough, who cares if the words aren’t perfect? Let them know you’re thinking of them. I don’t care if it’s a “how are you” text or a funny “meme” to try and make them laugh. Communicate with them on a level that you always have and let them know that <with time> things will get better, life will be back to normal, and that you’ll always be there for them.
